So, for most of you who know me really well know i’m not the most emotional person in the world. Things on television and soap operas that make ppl cry, i laugh about or don’t really react.

Well, i had a bit of a break down the other day. i went to my chem lecture like it was like any other day. i sat down and started taking notes and i decide to check up on my brother to see if he’d worked on mixing the tracks i handed to him over a month ago. my brother is the type of person who won’t do anything for anyone else unless he’s yelled at or threatened. well, he hadn’t touched the songs since the first day day i dropped the tracks off at his place and was with him working on it. i was so unbelievably frustrated that i seriously wanted to scream, but there were 300+ ppl in the room that would have looked at me like i was crazy.

i suddenly felt my mind completely shut down and all that i can think about it was examining and evaluating practically every aspect of my life. i instantly felt my throat tightening and realizing what am i really going to do with my life. what if chasing after this dream of being a musician a lost cause? False hope into nothing… what if no one likes my stuff and nothing will happen and i end up going no where in life? more questions began to haunt me. who’s to say i’m not any good? what am i going to do once school is all over? i’ve been playing music since i was 7 years old… what am i suppose to do with all the knowledge and skill. i can’t just give it up. what about all the songs and music i’ve written so far. the unwritten and unfinished works of my mind…. is it all worth it to make life worth living?

At this point, i was really glad there wasn’t anyone sitting close enough to me to notice that i started to ball my eyes out during lecture.  i probably missed a few pages of the notes cuz i couldn’t see straight. i came very close to giving up my dreams of being a musician…. i talked to a few friends and they helped me realize that it doesn’t matter if i make it to the top. i don’t want to have to wonder about what my life would be like if i had or hadn’t done something. i just want the satisfaction of know that i CAN do it and DID it. i love geology and the environment, but my heart has always lied among the melodies and poetry of music. i already had planned that i was going to get my first tattoo the next morning and so getting it was more than just a milestone of just inking my skin. the meaning of my tattoo became even more powerful.

the word passion written on the inside of my left wrist is a reminder to me to never give up or forget on the things in my life that i am most passionate about. music has flowed from my lips and finger tips for more than 15 years of my life and i’m not about to stop playing or writing. Passion is a word for desire and compassion that runs deeply through my veins. it’s helped me realized that when i’m truly passionate about something, i put my whole heart into and never looked back. my soul has forever always been sold to music and not only that, this thought process went on to translate other aspects of my life including my love life. i’ve had heartbroken badly twice and i honestly never thought that anyone would anyone come near me to take another chance and fall in love with me and i fall in love with them as well. just as i had given up looking, a boy, one a whim started talking to me. we end up talking for hours and even exchanged numbers the first night we even started talking. he was polite and sweet and pretty cute, so i figured i’ve give him a chance. i was hooked. i mean a boy that is able to banter with me by only using beatles song titles started the butterflies in my stomach. i felt myself falling for him deeper after each day that we talked. i don’t know how he did it, but he swept me off my feet. when i went to see him during my spring break, i was in complete bliss. i fell so deep, i hardly had any way out and i didn’t want to try. i put my whole heart into someone i truly believe i’m in love with and he’s the most amazing person i’ve ever met. i put everything of myself into love and hold nothing back… passion reminds me of where my heart belongs…

later that night, i went to see one of my favorite bands play at a venue about an hour from me. i knew the place was small and wouldn’t have too many ppl at so i felt that i should go to show my support. We Shot The Moon was the band that began this whole dream. Seeing jonathan jones perform the first time at the boardwalk in orangevale triggered my desire to play music and write songs for other ppl to hear. talking to him after the show reinforced my decision to keep up with the musical conquest. i told him about my break down and even the story about my tattoo. he told me that until you make the first move and finally get out there and ppl hear your music and know that you know you gave it your best shot, don’t give up. this man has so much talent and such an inspiration to me i had to tell him that i appreciated what he does and that i idolized him. of course during this whole thing i was mostly tripping up on my own words, but most of it got out there. he gave me hugs and i felt even more empowered with the decision i made and about the meaning behind my tattoo. The day was incredible and i will never forget it.